...And the piper will lead us to reason   






The One-Legged Sandpiper

   August, 2009   





     Saturday, August 1, 2009     


Chickeny Spinnet's Unfortunate Smelling Event

Spinning Chicken delivers a commanding performance as Count Jerkoff that culminates in his attempted sham marriage to fourteen year old Violet Baudelaire during a cheesy theatrical performance. The deceitful lying count is foiled in every corrupt attempt to abscond with the Baudelaire children's estate although he ruins the lives of everyone he comes in contact with along the way. Some might consider it a parable. Some... A documentary.

Count Jerkoff's attempt to marry fourteen year old Violet Baudelaire during a cheesy theatrical performance


I thought you said the thief was a Chicken
I understand there's been a breakthrough in the Great Trailer Robbery.


     Sunday, August 2, 2009     


Everyone know's Roger Miller's 1965 hit King of the Road. Few people realize he wrote another song that wasn't published until now... King of the Town. Roger Miller experts think it might actually preceed the more famous of the two by two years or more. So hang on to your hats and sing along to King of the Town... A spinningchicken.com/darwinsleachfield.com exclusive.


Roger Miller's King of the Town

King of the Town

  Trailer's sitting right out side
It'll be a place that I can hide
No lights, no van, no gas
I can't even wipe my ass
Ah, but... four years of stalking "Cin"
Is what put me in the state I'm in
I'm a bird of cents but no sense...
King of the town.

Straight Jacket... Act inane.
Destination... I'm Insane
I harass other men's women to get me a thrill
I don't pay no 'lectric bill,
I spend every penny tryin' to cause a split
But It never works out... I got nothin' but shit.
I'm a bird of cents but no sense...
King of the town.

I've pretended to be friends... For lots of guy's lives...
I've stalked all of their children and all of their wives
And every neighbor's daughter in every town
I SHOP with all of their women
When they're not around.

I sing,
Trailer's sitting right out side
It'll be a place that I can hide
No lights, no van, no gas
I can't even wipe my ass
Ah, but... four years of stalking "Cin"
Is what put me in the state I'm in
I'm a bird of cents but no sense...
King of the town.



     Monday, August 3, 2009     


Serving Soup To Nuts
Soup is not necesarily “good food”
Campbill’s® Condensed Soups

Spinning Chicken Soup

Nutrition Facts*


Amount Per Serving (serving size) = Any is too much!
Calories 120
Total Stupidity 8g
Spite 2.5g
Common Sense 0g
Aggravation 10mg
Deceit 870mg
Total Chaos 10g
Contempt 2g
Integrity 0g
Decency 0g
% Daily Values**
Vitamin Ahole 100%
Vitamin Ccrack Head 100%
Calcium 0%
Irony 110%
* The nutrition information contained in this list of Nutrition Facts is based on our current data. However, because Spinning Chicken is always scheming and plotting and planning something crazy, ridiculous or illegal, this information may not always be identical to the nutritional label information of products on shelf.

** % Daily Values (DV) are based on a normal sane persons diet.


     Tuesday, August 4, 2009     


 
 
Closed???     Bullshit!!!
We're just not as open as we were.
 

     Wednesday, August 5, 2009     


 
 
It's not dirty...
It's a protective layer of CRUD!
 

Kitchen Nightmares

Dirty Dining at it's best... or worst. Click here for a bigger one.


     Thursday, August 6, 2009     


Crabby
A Very Lucky Hermit crab

      Crabby fans are always asking about our favorite crustacean since his rescue at the Rez. He's been very active since his last molt and quickly shuffles over to his food dish (clam shell) to check out any new offerings. Hermit Crabs are scavengers in their native Jamaica so they will eat most anything. Crabby eats what I eat when it's appropriate for him and also shares food with Zbigniew the turtle who dines on Stop & Shop salad bar fixings more often than not. Hermit Crabs are not particularly fussy but have definite preferences. Their choices involving food and shells to live in would seem to indicate there's more intelligence there than we might assume from a little critter like this. When there are one or two choices of food he simply chooses one and begins to eat. When confronted with a large number of choices he will check out one or two and then scurry around the food dish in a bit of a tizzy and sit off to the side for a bit before deciding what to eat first.
      Tonight's dinner seemed to send him off in a huff. He has potato, carrot, cabbage, spinach, cantaloupe, honeydew, strawberry, ham, chicken, imitation crab meat (Oh the irony) and pineapple. The pineapple was his eventual first choice. After a lap or two around the dish he bellied up to the clam shell and chowed down. He's still a very lucky hermit crab.



Are You Watching Him?
Featherless and Foul... Fowl?


I'm watching YOU!!!
He's Watching YOU!!!


     Friday, August 7, 2009     


Another submission by a regular contributor:

Are you FLYING S.O.B.? ( South Of the Border)

Fly the unFriendly Skies
Fly El Pollo Airlines. We don't even skimp on the in-flight snacks... There's Always Nuts!!!


     Saturday, August 8, 2009     


Why did the Chicken cross the road?


 
 
I'll give you ten bucks to let me
MASSAGE YOUR FEET
 

A Chicken Foot Fetish


     Sunday, August 9, 2009     


Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


I Like Mine A Little Pink On The Inside


Can I get the bun toasted?
Can I get the bun toasted?


Your order will be up in a minute!
Your order will be up in a minute!


Houston... We have a problem!!!
Houston... We have a problem!!!


     Monday, August 10, 2009     


Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


Rumor around the Leach Field is there was almost a Mutiny on the HMS McFarty.

Mutiny on McFarty's
"Avast ye scurvy dogs... This be MUTINY!!!"
Looks like trouble for Captain Blie...


 
 
I can't be overdrawn!!!
I still have some checks left.
 

     Tuesday, August 11, 2009     


Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


Slippin' in to Darkness
A recent photo taken inside Fawlty Towers




Excellent
Excellent

What will El Chicko do now that the power is out? Sounds like the end of the line for McFarty's Restaurant... But Wait!!! I bet they buy ice and keep the meager daily supplies needed in a cooler! You don't need power if you have one of those old fashion phones! The Chicken loves putting utilities in other people's names so... McFarty's will rise again like a phoenix from the ashes of the other day's grill fire. There's no end to the humiliation he'll visit on the town so get ready for more comic antics Tuesday morning folks. Stay tuned... It keeps getting better and better. I guess he shouldn't have spent all his money stalking bimbos. He's the king of the town he is.



     Wednesday, August 12, 2009     


Scotty... I need that power NOW!!!
Scotty... I need that power NOW!!!


She’ll not take much more of this Jim!
She'll not take much more of this Jim!


I'm doin' the best I can Captain!

I think the main power coupling sustained a direct hit from a Romulan disruptor and the port side power nacelle was hit by a photon torpedo "gone wild". If I can tap into a local power source I may be able to get the microwave and Grill Deck Christmas lights online! I'm doin' the best I can Captain!



Try paying the electric bill you insane lunatic!

Jim, why don't you try communicating with CL&P headquarters and pay our electric bill? If we sold more than three hamburgers per day we might be able to do that! The warp drives are down, we don't even have impulse power and there's Klingons on Uranus!



     Thursday, August 13, 2009     


The Chicken solves his energy dependency
The Chicken solves his energy dependency.


Spinning bin Chicken
Spinning bin Chicken
www.spinningchicken.com
www.darwinsleachfield.com

The Al Jazeera of Eastern Connecticut


There was a rumor going around the Leach Field yesterday that the Al Jazeera of Eastern Connecticut may have been the victim of a cyber attack by Spinning bin Chicken's terrorist organization al-Kabong. The site's unavailability was due to a FTP (file transfer protocol) error downloading an update from a remote location. It wasn't hacked by al-Kabong. Come on... they don't even have electricity now!

Spinning bin Chicken or Nosser Arafathead?



 
 
I know about computers.

I download in my pants!
 

     Friday, August 14, 2009     


Go to the light...

It seems like only yesterday that The Chicken was shining a spot light out of the second floor window on people talking in the street and shouting at them in a psychotic rage. I guess those would be the good old days for The Chicken. Now that the electricity is shut off there's nothing but darkness in the building. I hear the water is still on for now but the restaurant has probably been officially shut down by the town... not that there were more than a handful of customers that had a morbid sense of humor or curiosity to see how bad it could really get. I hear none of the neighbors are volunteering use of an extension cord either. Rumor has it that the denizens of the disaster have been given their walking papers as well... The building no longer being safe to live in. Maybe that was the reason for the trailer parked outside. Kind of like that escape pod in the Air Force One movie with Harrison Ford. I've heard that all of the employees that have been stiffed are queuing up for money and its getting a little ugly. He might actually have somewhere else to go if he hadn't alienated himself from everyone he's ever come in contact with. I bet anyone whose doorstep he might show up on is glad the van is gone. I bet they all have excuses why they can't come pick him up. Isn't Karma wonderful???






     Saturday, August 15, 2009     


   Crabby In Better Times   
Click here for a high res picture of Crabby
Click here for a high res picture of Crabby
Crabby
An Ailing Hermit crab

     Seems like only yesterday that Crabby was thriving. I came home tonight to find the little guy out of his shell and barely alive. I misted him repeatedly and helped him into a shell. His tank smelled a bit musty and may have a mildew problem from the damp sand. I hope that's all it is. I set him back up in his original quarters (a dish pan) with clean sand and fresh water and New Jersey ocean water and new food. He seemed to rally a bit and was walking around his pad last night leaving tracks up to the water dish and his saltwater bath. I hope the poor little guy bounces back. He's had a tough life but he's a very lucky Hermit Crab.


News Flash

There's a big block party happening today in downtown Danielson. This will be a great opportunity for avid Chicken watchers. The squab will be on the job on the bridge of the Chitannic, binoculars in hand and glaring at everybody. Come on down and have some fun and make sure you wave to the nasty old buzzard.



Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


Day 5 with NO ELECTRICITY

Day 5 with no electricity at al-Kabong headquarters. Things must be getting pretty ripe there by now. No AC. No refrigeration... Maybe hot water. The weather has turned a little cooler but it's still plenty hot during the day. How long will this insanity last? Stay tuned for updates. Reports are coming in from all corners of the Leach Field. The RMS Chitannic has struck an iceberg and is sinking fast. Keep the band playing and try to stay calm... There's planty of boats for everybody!



Iceberg!!!

Or was it FLYING??? Either way it's "sinking" now as The Chicken goes down by the bow. This was the Chicken and Bubbles (in his mind) during the heady stalking adventures of days gone by.



Iceberg!!!
ICEBERG!!!

The Whirling Twirling Blinking Stinking Flapping Crapping Family Restaurant has struck an iceberg under the command of Captain Spinning Chicken. It's Woman and Stalking Victims first as the rats leave the sinking ship. This picture was obviously taken before the lights went out so I guess there's no blinking anymore but plenty of stinking I'm sure. Maybe the iceberg could be used to keep the food cold.



 
 
The Captain goes down on...
I mean WITH the ship!
 

     Sunday, August 16, 2009     



Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


Day 6 with NO ELECTRICITY


Praise The Lord!!!

What can The Chicken do to solve the predicament he's got himself into? It came to me in a revelation!!! Welcome to the Whirling Twirling Blinking Stinking Flapping Crapping house of worship... The Chicken Tabernacle!!! Tune in Sunday mornings for an inspiring sermon by the Right Reverend Pollo Loco Diablo from the House of Blues and Chicken Fried Snack Shack. Stay tuned and get inspired by the deafening rumble of the Glorious Roaring Lip-Syncers Inspirational Choir singing such favorites as "I Stalk the Lord", "Get a Little Jesus" and "God Would Want You To". Pass the plate and fill your pockets... It's every man for himself at collection time. Give 'till it hurts!!! Can I get an AMEN???



 
 
Can I get an
AMEN!!!
 

     Monday, August 17, 2009     


   Crabby Takes A Turn For The Worst   
Crabby
A Very Sick Hermit Crab

     Last night when I got home Crabby was out of his host shell again and wandering aimlessly around his home. I misted him and got him back in a shell and when I checked on him later it seemed like he had stabilized. He had walked around his new home and found the fresh water and taken a saltwater bath and checked out his food. This morning he was looking very bad. His host shell had tipped backwards and he didn't seem to have the strengh to turn it and was hanging out of it looking barely alive. I misted him a few times and helped him slide back into the shell. I hope the poor little guy bounces back but it's not looking good for him. I don't know what else to do for him. He's had a tough life but he's a very lucky Hermit Crab.


Only a week ago but it seems like forever!


Have you heard of the "Old" Philosopher?

How about the "stupid" one?

Hey there friend, you say that your electricity is turned off and it's a thousand degrees out and you can't plug in a fan... Your make believe girlfriend won't even bring you an ice cube... Is that what's troubling you Bunkie?

Ain't had no fun since I been po Ain't had no fun since I been po


Hey there friend, you say that your van is gone and you've got nowhere to go anyway... You spent all your money stalking bimbos and got nothin' to show for it... You can't even get a cup of coffe in your own restaurant... Is that what's troubling you Bunkie?

Gotta catch a fast train Gotta catch me a train


Hey there friend, you say that your "employees" won't work for nothing anymore... The town thinks you're a menace and everyone in it is laughing at you... Is that what's troubling you Bunkie?

Well we’re movin’ on up... Well were movin' on up... To the east side
To a deluxe apartment in the sky


Hey there friend, you say that your store is full of junk no one in their right mind would buy... You won stuffed animals out of a crane game for a dollar and tried to sell them for four dollars and it didn't work... You say you have to make your own bubbles in your whirlpool tub 'cause the electricity is turned off... Is that what's troubling you Bunkie?

Time to load up the Cleveland Steamer and head for the hills Time to load up the Cleveland Steamer
And head for the hills!


Well there's good news for you Bunkie!

Nothing like stalking poor women Poor women are easier to stalk!


     Tuesday, August 18, 2009     


Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


You Oughta Be In Pictures

The Chicken tries his hand at making movies!

In a new effort to "save the ship" The Chicken is trying to make a movie like "The Blair Witch Project" or "Slumdog Millionaire". Little did we know he is actually famous avante-garde independent film maker Spintin Chicantino. Let's look at how the first day of filming went on location at the Whirling Twirling Blinking Stinking Flapping Crapping Movie Studio:


Chicantino:
"Ok... Places everyone!!!"

"Quiet on the set!!!"

"Scene 1 take 1"

"Lights... Camera... ACTION!!!"



"Lights!!!"

"I SAID LIGHTS!!!"

"LIGHTS!!!"


"Oh....CRAP!!!"

Famous Director Spintin Chicantino Famous Director Spintin Chicantino


OK... So you're all saying "Yeah right... That's just Quentin Tarantino in that picture." Well... You'd be wrong! Spintin Chicantino was such a huge Quentin Tarantino fan that he had plastic surgery to look like his favorite role model director. Just look at the before and after pictures below and you'll see.


Spintin Chicantino Before Before Surgery

Spintin Chicantino After After Surgery

Amazing isn't it???

Another Example

Michael Before
Before Surgery

Michael After
After Surgery

Tell me it can't happen!


     Wednesday, August 19, 2009     


The Chicken and The Weasel



Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


Day 9... Feeling Fine!

with NO ELECTRICITY!!!


Day 9 with no electricity at al-Kabong headquarters. A featherless Chicken was spotted trying the door and peering in the window of a local business this morning no doubt looking to "borrow" money again. My guess is that everyone hides now when they see him coming. My guess is he still doesn't get that everyone knows he's a disaster area and one-man losing streak. I hope they all realize he did this to himself... And worked hard at it over a long period of time to get here. I wonder who HE blames. I bet I know.



News Flash
News Flash

The Whirling Twirling NOT Blinking Stinking Flapping Crapping Disaster Area was flying an "Open" sign on the Swill Out Deck again today. Who got suckered into doing THAT and how long will the health department let this go on? How could anyone think this is a good idea. No Lights... No Refrigeration... No Brains... No Chance!



     Thursday, August 20, 2009     


The Latest Hit From Wrongo Starr

Performing live at the One Foot Inn


Wrongo Starr
You're Seventeen

You come over at night, after midnight,
Lips like strawberry wine.
You're seventeen, I'm eighty and you're mine. (mine, all mine)

You're all straight haired and blond, ooh, what a girl,
Eyes that sparkle and shine.
You're seventeen, I'm eighty and you're mine.
(mine, all mine, mine, mine)

You're just a baby, and I'm a mess,
I fell in lust on the night we met.
You touched my hand, my shorts went pop,
Ooh, when I stalk you, i cannot stop.

You walked off of the street, onto my deck,
Now you're my blond angel divine.
You're seventeen, I'm eighty and you're mine.

You're just a baby, and I'm just a mess,
I fell in lust on the night we met.
You touched my hand, my shorts went pop,
Ooh, when I stalk you, i cannot stop.

You walked off of the street, onto my deck,
Now you're my blond angel divine.
You're seventeen, I'm eighty and you're mine.

You're seventeen, I'm eighty, and you're mine.

You're seventeen, I'm eighty, and you're mine.

All mine, all mine, all mine.

All mine, all mine, all mine.

All mine, all mine, all mine, all mine, but i do.

You are mine! 
( A great contribution by a regular reader, contributor and Chicken observer )


Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


Day 10... Big Fat Hen!
Feels So Good Let's Do It Again!

with NO ELECTRICITY!!!


Day 10 with no electricity at al-Kabong headquarters. What will happen Next? Sounds like someone else has been suckered into manning the Swill-Out on the back deck. It would be a shame if they get in trouble instead of the Chicken. The new rumor around the Leach Field is that the Chicken is... how should we say... running a laundramat of sorts. A Twilight Zone sort of laundramat where certain folks might bring certain garments and leave with money. That certainly sounds like the Chicken.



     Friday, August 21, 2009     


Crabby died Friday morning, August 21, 2009
 

Crabby

Thursday August 21, 2008
Friday August 21, 2009

Crabby was rescued from certain death at Wauregan Reservoir a year ago to the day he died. Like a true little beach person he seemed happiest when he could crawl through beach sand and bathe in ocean water. He was a pretty lucky hermit crab for a year but his luck has run out.

 


   Crabby Dies   

     Crabby struggled with his infirmity all week. When he was still out of his shell in his new home Tuesday morning I jumped online and after some diligent research found crabdr.blogspot.com which seemed to have information regarding treatment of Crabby's issues. I set him up in a container to try and rehydrate him and get his salt balance corrected and he responded well initially and seemed on the mend after 24 hours. I helped him back in his host shell and kept him in the treatment container over night with just enough fresh water to keep him moist and by morning he was out of his shell again. This happened twice more this week.
     This morning I was so sure he was dead after minutes of checking him that I set him on a piece of paper until I could decide what to do with his "body". After loading laundry on the truck and a few other chores I noticed he was crawling for the edge of the box he was sitting on. I ran to Big Y to get more sea salt for him. I thought there might be an issue with the salt that I had. I mixed him up a new batch of "Sea Water" and placed him back in his treatment container with enough of the new water to wade in and he seemed to perk up immediately. I covered the container with a box to keep him dark so he could de-stress and went off to do laundry. By time I returned two hours later he had died.
     The receipt for his mineral block and crab food from Rumford Pet Center is dated August 22, 2008. I'm almost positive I bought the supplies the first day after we found him at the Rez. That means we recued him August 21, 2008... A year ago to the day. That's probably just a sad coincidence. After a few more hours of chores today I decided to cool off with a paddle at the Rez. The wind was blowing strongly from the south an whipping the Rez into little whitecaps. It was almost a little challenging paddling into the wind and chop... compared to normal there any way. It was a little sad passing the spot where Crabby was found. It's just a few yards south of the ramp so that will be a regular occurrence. He was a pretty lucky hermit crab.



 
Cash for Chunkers

You've all heard of the government's "Cash for Clunkers" program haven't you? It's part of the current economic recovery and stimulation endeavor. This program, although slightly troubled by typical government organizational issues, seems to be having the desired positive effect on that slice of the economy. Using the government's program as a model, Spinning Chicken has launched his own "stimulus" package: "Cash for Chunkers" Under the terms of this program, persons that meet certain "criteria" can bring certain garments that meet other certain "criteria" to the "dealership" and exchange them for some economic stimulus. Other names considered were "Flash for Flunkers" and "Gash for Gunkers" but these were dropped for the current description. This may explain the Chicken being spotted recently wearing what was initially described as some sort of "orthopedic looking" head gear.

 


Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


Day 11... Must Be Heaven!

with NO ELECTRICITY!!!


Day 11 with no electricity at al-Kabong headquarters. How long will this train wreck go on? The Whirling Twirling NOT Blinking Stinking Flapping Crapping disaster area has progressed from a Mutiny-on-the-Bounty situation through a deranged Titannic-like sinking. What could be next??? The Whaleship Essex scenario?


Consider submitting an entry to www.whatacreep.com


     Saturday, August 22, 2009     


Crabby died Friday morning, August 21, 2009
 

Crabby

Thursday August 21, 2008
Friday August 21, 2009

Crabby was rescued from certain death at Wauregan Reservoir a year ago to the day he died. Like a true little beach person he seemed happiest when he could crawl through beach sand and bathe in ocean water. He was a pretty lucky hermit crab for a year but his luck has run out.

 


News Flash
News Flash

This just in... The latest rumor around the Leach Field. Seems the Cash for Chunkers program comes with a free cell phone for every participant. The Chicken likes giving out cell phones like Pez candies. I heard he was banished from a local supermarket for harassing one of their employees, formerly of the One Foot Inn, over a cell phone that was being held for ransom until all of their back pay was paid. Picture a big chicken Pez dispenser that releases a cell phone when you tip the head back. Rumor has it there are other "perks" as well available with this program... At least there is according to contributor Al K. Hall.

NASTY!!!











TV Producer Spinning Chicken is bringing a great new show to the "AIR"waves. The key to success is to stick with what you're good at and what does the Chicken know the most about? You Betcha! And so a new hit was born. Recorded live at the One Foot Inn in beautiful downtown Danielson!

You don't need to dance! You don't need to sing?
You don't have to know ANYTHING!
You don't need to be alive! You don't even need to be real!

Tune in each week and watch the pressure build. There will be thrills, spills and chills! Who will win the Skid Mark of Courage trophy? Awarded to the contestant who tries the hardest (careful, not too hard) and see who wins the coveted Mirrored Toilet Trophy and lifetime supply of Beano®!

This Season's Cavalcade of Stars
Al Sharpton
Al “Pull My Finger” Sharpton "Pull my finger!"

Dan "Hoss" Blocker
Dan “Hoss” Blocker

You know how some people can burp the alphabet? Guess what Dan can do with the theme from Bonanza?



Jackie Gleason
Jackie Gleason

"How sweet it is!!!" Don't count on it... He has more than one way to send Alice "To the Moon!"



Jennifer Aniston
Jennifer Aniston

Why do you think she doesn't have too many "friends"? BBD... Beautiful But Deadly!



Michael Moore
Michael Moore I guess he can't make an "F" with his fingers.
Moore or less? You'll have to wait and see.


Oprah Winfrey
Oprah Winfrey "Oh No"Prah

Chef Paul Prudhomme
Oprah Winfrey The Ragin' Cajun

Peter Griffin
Peter Griffin Went "Toe to Toe" with Michael Moore already

Spinning Chicken
Spinning Chicken He's not just the producer... He's a competitor
"Did I get any on ya?"


William Conrad
William Conrad See why they call him "Canon"

Bill Clinton
Bill “Bubba” Clinton He who smelt it dealt it!
Just a big husky southern boy


Dom DeLuise
Dom “The Bomb” Delouise Dom the Bomb
( Pulling his own finger )

Jackie Mason
Jackie Mason "For this I gave up two weeks in Vegas?"

Louie Anderson
( Maybe )

Papa Eat Now

Louie's people haven't confirmed yet. When a reporter inquired at Anderson's island home to see if he would be participating, Anderson's Phillipino cabana boy answered the door with a gruff "You go way... Papa eat now!"



"Mama" Cass Elliot
Cass Elliot They call her Mama "Gas"

Muhammad Ali
The Great One "Gassious" Clay

Otis
Otis Andy didn't lock him up for drinking
He locked him up for... STINKING


Rush Limbaugh
Rush Limbaugh "I blow more than smoke!"

Ted Turner
Ted Turner He's not just the "Mouth" from the south



Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


Day 12... The Dirty Dozen
and I mean DIRTY!

with NO ELECTRICITY!!!


A Dozen days straight with no electricity at al-Kabong headquarters and the heat wave continues. Stories come in a dozen times a day about debauchery and craziness. It's amazing how many people are watching everything that goes on there just for a laugh. For others it's not so funny. Day by Day more people surface that have been lied to, cheated, stolen from, hit on, stalked or ALL of the aforementioned. Rumor has it he's flashing a roll of cash around for the benefit of the Cash for Chunkers participants. You'd think Mr. Big Shot, the King of Danielson, might pay the electric bill... unless it's all singles with couple of fives and a twenty on top. Stay tuned for the next installment of this real-estate, retail and restaurant success story.


Consider submitting an entry to www.whatacreep.com


     Sunday, August 23, 2009     


Crabby died Friday morning, August 21, 2009
 

Crabby

Thursday August 21, 2008
Friday August 21, 2009

Crabby was rescued from certain death at Wauregan Reservoir a year ago to the day he died. Like a true little beach person he seemed happiest when he could crawl through beach sand and bathe in ocean water. He was a pretty lucky hermit crab for a year but his luck has run out.

 


News Flash
News Flash

This just in... The latest rumor around the Leach Field is that the Chicken and the Weasel are Kissin' Cousins again. The other rumor is that the boom is about to drop on the Chicken and he'll soon be how should we say... outdoors. He may be sucking up to the Weasel for a place to stay; otherwise it's livin' in the gazebo just south of the cannon on the town green. Maybe they're already conspiring against the new nightclub effort. We all know how the Weasel likes to sabotage his (dad's) bread and butter and the Chicken is all about revenge after being booted from the first attempt due to having stalked away all of his coin. That must have been an ugly meeting if the rumor is true. The Weasel is looking like the Grinch on radiation and chemo and the Chicken looks like Mickey Mantle's original liver walking around. I notice a lot of folks crossing to the other side of Furnace Street as they pass the porch now. Another BIG rumor is that the health department shut down the fiasco on the back deck once again. I guess burgers and dogs sitting in the sun in a cooler with no refrigeration is a no no. Who would have figured?

CRAZY!!!


Other side my ass!!!


 
 
I smell like
ass and catfood
 

Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


Day 13... A Baker's Dozen

with NO ELECTRICITY!!!


Thirteen days straight with no electricity at al-Kabong headquarters and the weather may be cooling a bit. Seeing as the count is finally above twelve... I guess you could say he's into the teens.


Consider submitting an entry to www.whatacreep.com


     Monday, August 24, 2009     


Crabby died Friday morning, August 21, 2009
 

Crabby

Thursday August 21, 2008
Friday August 21, 2009

Crabby was rescued from certain death at Wauregan Reservoir a year ago to the day he died. Like a true little beach person he seemed happiest when he could crawl through beach sand and bathe in ocean water. He was a pretty lucky hermit crab for a year but his luck has run out.

 



Clamming - 2009 - Island Beach State Park
Island Beach, New Jersey

Good Clamming Results After a Tough Year


      Clamming and the results of the activity has always been a barometer for life's overall condition at the beach, at least for Kelly and me. Sure the results have contributed to some great eating over the years and yeah it's good exercise... back breaking and exhausting at times... but the whole activity is more than the sum of its components.
      Getting all of the gear ready and getting to Island Beach State Park before crowding closes the gates for a few hours can be a logistic challenge. Heat and wind, tides and flies can all make or break an outing. On a perfect day we stroll through ankle deep warm water in a gentle breeze from the east and have plenty of little sandbars to pull the kayaks up on for lunch and we get lots of clams. Some days we fight strong winds out and then back after the wind changes directions. We're slogging through knee to waist deep cold water in clouds of biting green flies and schlep for miles on the flats in search of a decent spot and find it just in time for a thunder storm to chase us back home.
      There is a limit of 150 clams per person per day. Clams have to be a minimum of one and a half inches long to keep. We have yet to get our limit but have come close a time or two. There is a protocol for keeping track. We fan out from the kayaks and collect as many clams as we can in our pockets (8-12 usually) before returning to the kayaks to count them into the mesh athletic bag that hangs off of my kayak seat in the water to keep the clams fresh and happy during the day. The field count is always verified back at the house at the start of the de-sanding process before getting them in a cooler on ice. The need and desire to know how many has lead to the keeping of statistics (see below). These are not as elaborate as baseball statistics but way more important to the grand scheme of life.
      You need a license to clam legally. You can't clam on Sunday. I believe clams are Methodist. You need to pay to get into the park, either $6 per day weekdays or $10 per day weekends or $50 for a seasons pass. We always try and get a pass. Some years we have gone New Years Day for one... the very first day of the year. We always go to the park New Years Eve so we start and end the year there.
      You need clamming rakes to get the big hauls, we have six and they all have names: The Clam Killer, Shopping Cart, Farmer, Darth Vader, Catcher's Mask and New Shopping Cart. Kelly's favorite is the Clam Killer. It belonged to Pat Stasick, my grandfather's lifelong friend and fishing buddy, of Uncle Pat's Clam Chowder fame and is probably sixty or eighty years old. I like the Farmer the most. Kelly uncovered the rusted head of the Farmer while cleaning out the lifeguard storage box at the end of Ocean Road in Ocean Beach quite a few years ago and I mounted an aluminum pole from a drift net buoy to it as a handle after wire-brushing it and priming and painting it with RustOleum. The shopping cart is the next most used but doesn't see much action any more. Kelly's Dad's friend Rick repaired the Clam Killer last year in exchange for some clams and it looks like its ready for another sixty or eighty years of action. Kelly forgot it at the park on her solo clamming excursion in June and was warned sternly by park police for traveling twice the posted speed limit to get back to rescue it. We do find a good percentage of the catch with our feet while raking or just walking to a new spot. Some people just use their feet. We get way more clams than the "treaders".
      Even with no clams to be had after October or before June, there's always something to do or see at the park. We can get mussels any time of year and have made fine batches of mussels marinara to celebrate nothing more than going to the park. Another off-season ritual is a stop at 7-l1 ("Sevo") in Seaside Park for Sun Chips and Coca-Mocha-Latte-Frappuccino-Coffee drinks out of the machine before hitting the park. Sometimes we get a cup of chowder at Berkley Seafood Restaurant and Fish Market which is just outside the gates of the park and the last business heading south on the island. Sometimes we stop at the boardwalk in Seaside for a slice of pizza at Three Brothers or the Saw Mill before heading home.
      What to do with the clams has never been an issue, even with 3,338 total. Some are eaten raw. If you've never had a clam fresh out of the clean clear waters of Barnegat Bay you have no idea how good clams can be. The sweet fresh taste and tender texture is sublime. Many (hundreds) have been given away to clam lovers of every persuasion. They are always well received. Kelly has made fresh fried clams that were out of this world and many end up in Uncle Pat's Clam Chowder, New England Clam Chowder, Potuguese Clam Boils and just plain old Steamed Clams in Broth. When there's too many to eat within two weeks, they get steamed and shucked and frozen in their own broth for special treats during the clam-less winter months and special events. Birthday chowders and Clams Negra Modelo are always special occasion meals. Our clams are as good or better after two weeks on ice as the clams you get from most raw bars or supermarkets. Fish market clams aren't much better. Clamming is so worth doing for all of these reasons and more.



Clamming Stats
Date Month Year Clams Rank Total Notes
06/29/02 June 2002 92 18 92  
07/06/02 July 2002 156 10 248  
07/22/02 July 2002 167 7 415  
08/10/02 August 2002 210 4 625  
09/14/02 September 2002 188 5 990  
? ? 2003 1 24 991  
? ? 2003 2 23 993  
? ? 2003 130 15 1123  
? ? 2003 166 8 1289  
? ? 2003 252 1 1541  
07/09/04 July 2004 13 22 1554  
07/10/04 July 2004 80 19 1634  
08/16/04 August 2004 102 17 1737  
10/01/04 October 2004 1 24 1738  
07/07/07 July 2007 53 20 1791 Back in the game after two years.
07/26/07 July 2007 104 16 1895  
07/28/07 July 2007 226 3 2121  
09/05/07 September 2007 164 9 2285  
09/26/07 September 2007 226 3 2511  
06/16/08 June 2008 154 11 2665 The earliest in the season ever.
07/07/08 July 2008 244 2 2909 Could have broken the record but had to get away from a thunder storm.
09/05/09 September 2008 133 14 3042 Farthest out yet, 6 or 7 places, 5 1/2 hours, Good luck north of the put-in on the east side.
06/29/09 June 2009 19 20 3061 Kelly by herself at the first area with no kayak. Almost lost the Clam Killer.
07/04/09 July 2009 142 12 3203 Made it back in time for the party at Matt & Shelia's house in Monterey Beach and fireworks at OB1. The park was closed temporarily when we got there. In the water by 2:00.
08/08/09 August 2009 135 13 3338 The latest start in the day ever: After 4:00.


Hopefully two or three more runs this year!

You can never have too many clams!




North Park


I'm goin' down to North Park Gonna buy myself a dime. Crazy faces everywhere Homeless folks without temptation. Goin' down to North Park Gonna leave my woes behind. Teenage panties day or night People shining lights out windows. Heading on up to North Park Gonna see if I can't unwind. I give girls cash and cell phones, I give kids lots of candy Come on down to North Park and stalk some friends of mine.




Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


Day 14... Two Weeks Baby!!!

Yes sir, I Don't Mean Maybe!

with NO ELECTRICITY!!!


Two weeks straight with no electricity at al-Kabong headquarters and the Chicken was spotted first thing this morning trying to scam money from a local business. A little later in the morning El Corrupto was escorting two possible Cash for Chunkers participants into the One Foot Inn. Is there no end to the nightmare?


The Chicken... the Chicken
The horror... the horror

Consider submitting an entry to www.whatacreep.com


     Tuesday, August 25, 2009     


Crabby died Friday morning, August 21, 2009
 

Crabby

Thursday August 21, 2008
Friday August 21, 2009

Crabby was rescued from certain death at Wauregan Reservoir a year ago to the day he died. Like a true little beach person he seemed happiest when he could crawl through beach sand and bathe in ocean water. He was a pretty lucky hermit crab for a year but his luck has run out.

 


Why hasn't the Chicken thought of this before?

All you need is one of these right on the back deck:


Inflatable Fiasco

And a few of these:

Pool Bimbo

And you can have...

Spinning Chicken's Inflatable Bimbo Pool Party

Oops! My bad...

Spinning Chicken's Inflatable Pool Bimbo Party

Everybody in the pool!!!

Here's the plan: Take some of the money you've been grubbing from a local business owner and have someone drive you down to Benny's and buy an inflatable pool. Clear some space on the back deck... No need for the grill since the health department shut that mess down. Set the pool up and fill it with water... If the water is still on. Add some alcohol and some bimbos and it's a stalker's holiday right on the back deck. Just picture a splashy waashy paradise of suntanned bodies and tenacious frolicking! TICKLE FIGHT!!! No peeing in the pool! Well... OK... Just a little.

Who doesn't love a pool?

I just LOVE pools!
"I Just LOVE pools!"

See... What did I tell you? She loves it!!!



Your Results May Vary

{ Results May Vary }


Editors Note: How ironic is this? The piece above was downloaded Monday night and then Tuesday morning the water gets shut off again. That's just too much of a coincidence. I guess there's a pretty good chance that something will implode every day from the Chicken's behavior so it's not like I'm Nostradamus or anything. Hmmmm... What might happen tomorrow?



Stories, rumors, facts and fiction from Danielson, Connecticut
Where evolution is a two-way street

Another Question of Physiology

Question: What doesn't give birth when it's water breaks again?

Answer: The Whirling Twirling Blinking Stinking Flapping Crapping One Foot Inn!



Climate change comes again to Darwin's Leach Field

“Gosh it's Hot” - Frosty the Snowman

What can still change the Chicken from this:

Chicken Chimp... Drooling

To this with the flush of a toilet?

Chicken Chimp Rampant... It's Heraldry Gomer!

What has a bad reputation...

Lots of hands...
(Women can vouch for this)

One big Asshole and...

NO WATER???



Now that I have your attention...
www.darwinsleachfield.com

The Future is down town!!!



Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


Day 15... Two Weeks and a day!!!

No Effin' Way!

with NO ELECTRICITY!!!


Fifteen days straight with no electricity at al-Kabong headquarters and the Chicken has a new problem to deal with: The water is off again. Rumor has it he went-a-beggin' again at a local business, with another sad tale, for money to get the water on again. Apparently there was still enough time in the day to threaten to sue another local businessman for "defamation of character" because one of his employees caught the Chicken saying inappropriate things to her fourteen year old daughter and tore him a new one. With plenty of time to spare he was spotted buying liquor for the participants of the Cash For Chunkers program before slinking off to the deck for another night of stalking.



Consider submitting an entry to www.whatacreep.com


     Wednesday, August 26, 2009     


Crabby died Friday morning, August 21, 2009
 

Crabby

Thursday August 21, 2008
Friday August 21, 2009

Crabby was rescued from certain death at Wauregan Reservoir a year ago to the day he died. Like a true little beach person he seemed happiest when he could crawl through beach sand and bathe in ocean water. He was a pretty lucky hermit crab for a year but his luck has run out.

 


Eemeergency... Everybody to get from street!

Darwin's Leach Field

10:20 PM

The Cleveland Steamer is out on the road. Possibly with Captain Stupid as pilot. Beware!!! It looks like Christine from the Steven King Novel related movie and is piloted by a deranged impaired demented criminal. It probably has no insurance and he may not even have a license any more. Just be careful! Maybe he's out stalking Bubbles again. Maybe an arrest will be imminent. Hopefully no innocent people will be killed.



News Flash
News Flash

I was getting ready to leave for the day's activities today when the Chicken came wobbling down the street carrying a wooden pole looking like Gandalf on crack or some sort of demented hermit. He launched into a Tourette's Syndrome like fusillade of profanity punctuated by swinging his stick at me and looking like he was about to fall over and break a hip. The tirade lasted a minute or so and then he wobbled back up the street to the Whirling Twirling Not Blinking Stinking Flapping Crapping disaster area. Time to pin the name tag on the windbreaker and find a bench in the park to sit on to feed the pigeons.

Chickendalf the Gizzard
Hermit Crab
Sir Osis of Liver

Arise Sir Osis of Liver

Maybe Sir Osis of Liver is recieving instructions from some sort of alien implant. Maybe the situation is like the Family Guy episoide "Brian the Bachelor" when Chris has that zit named Doug that talks to him and encourages him to act up and be bad. Maybe "Rich" is telling the Chicken to act crazy and screw with people and blow all his money.

Doug the zit



Eemeergency... Everybody to get from street!

New Jersey People


According to reliable sources the Chicken is threatening to move back to New Jersey now that the building he hijacked is in foreclosure, all of the tenants have been driven out, the town has shut down every stupid thing he's done and the electricity and water have been shut off. He'll return, if someone gives him a ride because the van is gone, telling either tales of what a great success he is, or how everyone "up here" is an asshole and he's all done with them. Either way, you've had a break from him stalking your daughters and wives but that's about to end. He'll soon be prowling around the neighborhood looking for free meals and peering out of his windows looking for any of the women to walk out of their houses so he can come flying down the stairs to intercept them. You've had a vacation while he's been wreaking havoc up here but your vacation may be over. Get ready! If you think he was a lying manipulative asshole before, just wait 'till you experience him now. Consider this your warning and get ready. He will make your lives miserable.



 
 
I'll sue you for
defamation of character!!
 

As if there is any character to defame!
Could any one person be more crazy and corrupt?


Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


Day 16... SWEET SIXTEEN!!!

Old enough for Cash For Chunkers!
Two years older than a recent stalking target!

with NO ELECTRICITY!!!


Sixteen days straight with no electricity at al-Kabong headquarters and the Chicken is out of control. Reports of craziness and lewd behavior are coming in from all quarters. Seems he grubbed enough money to get the water back on and had enough left over to buy booze for the participants in the Cash For Chunkers Program. Yesterday was a busy day for El Chicko. I wonder who will be his attorney for the law suit he has threatened a local business owner with because an employee's teenaged daughter was a recent stalking target and the employee tore the Chicken a new ass... Which is a waste since the old one seems to work SO well.

Johnny Cochring

If the Chicken is full of SHIT...
You must AQUIT!!!


Consider submitting an entry to www.whatacreep.com


     Thursday, August 27, 2009     


Crabby died Friday morning, August 21, 2009
 

Crabby

Thursday August 21, 2008
Friday August 21, 2009

Crabby was rescued from certain death at Wauregan Reservoir a year ago to the day he died. Like a true little beach person he seemed happiest when he could crawl through beach sand and bathe in ocean water. He was a pretty lucky hermit crab for a year but his luck has run out.

 


Spinning Chicken loose on Furnace Street

I'm gonna beat thossse creamy hamssstringsss with my little ssstick here

"I'm gonna ssstrike thossse creamy hamssstringssss with my little sssstick here"


 
 
I'm the King of Danielson!
 

     Friday, August 28, 2009     


Play the great new board game from Porker Brothers.

CHICKENOPOLY

Can we P L E A S E play CHICKENOPOLY???
Can we Huh?

OK OK OK already!


Binoculars Chicken
Do you want to be the binoculars or the chicken?

Water Works
Oops! You landed on Electric Company.
Can't pay the bill?
{Click}
Sorry Sport... Lose a turn.


Water Works
Oops! You landed on Water Works.
Can't pay the bill?
{Gurgle Gurgle}
Sorry Sport... Lose a turn.


Furnace Street
You hijacked Furnace Street with one hotel.
Can't pay the mortgage?
Sorry Sport... Lose a turn.

Hey this is a fun game! Let's play again soon!




     Saturday, August 29, 2009     


Spin & Rich Number 1


     Sunday, August 30, 2009     


Spinning bin Chicken
Spinning bin Chicken
www.spinningchicken.com
www.darwinsleachfield.com

The Al Jazeera of Eastern Connecticut


There's been some concern expressed in recent emails that when the Chicken, one of our main sources of entertainment, flies the coop and slinks away from the disaster he's created that we will somehow be less entertained than we are now. FEAR NOT LOYAL READERS AND CONTRIBUTORS!!! There are three reasons why we need not fear.

  • The Al Jazeera of Eastern Connecticut is supplied with a constant flow of intelligence gathered by a far-reaching network of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. (SPECTRE) operatives. There are operatives in New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania and Florida and all over the Western Hemisphere. All are on full alert and ready to forward news of his latest antics wherever he may slink off too. So like Savoir-Faire the mouse in the Klondike Kat cartoons: SPECTRE is everywhere!

  • We are just now starting to scratch the surface of the craziness, social, legal and financial atrocities and just plain ridiculous behavior that make up every waking moment of the Chicken's existence. More and more people are getting brave enough to come forward as he sinks further into the abyss of his own creation. Once he slinks away the dam will burst and an endless flood of stories will come forward. It may take years to chronicle.

  • We still have the sleazy antics of his shrinking circle of coconspirators to keep us entertained. Just like the long-lasting effects of a hurricane or other natural disaster, the effects of the Chicken and company will last for years.

    So do not despair loyal readers and contributors. The fun is just beginning and our ranks are growing daily from Maine to California, Texas to Tennessee, Canada to Argentina. Welcome one and all!

    Spinning bin Chicken or Nosser Arafathead?



Spin & Rich Number 2

This Spin & Rich cartoon is dedicated to the late John Candy and one of my favorite moments of the Uncle Buck movie.


Chicken Crossing... Recent Chicken News and Events
Chicken Crossing


Day 19... The Last of the Teens!!!

(How Appropriate)

with NO ELECTRICITY!!!


      Nineteen days straight with no electricity at al-Kabong headquarters and the Chicken is nowhere to be seen. The weather has turned cold (50s) at night so that seems to have put and end to the pathetic lingering porch party which was just him and some other mutant stalking whatever female may walk up the street. Sources tell me all permits to run anything that remotely resembles a restaurant were pulled by the health department. The agent from the health department even took down the sandwich board sign on Main Street and brought it into the One Foot Inn. The Whirling Twirling Not Blinking Stinking Flapping Crapping Family Disaster Area has been terminated with extreme prejudice... FINALLY!!! The restaurant guru can't even toast marshmallows legally now. What about a lemonade stand?

      I hear he's trying to lease the mess to a new victim for $10K down and $200 per week. For $10K down you could lease a REAL restaurant. The $200 per week is a bargain except for that little foreclosure thingy. Hopefully no suckers sign on to ruin their lives. I wonder if Mr. Big Shot plans on hitchhiking to New Jersey when the clock runs out or if he's suckered someone into giving him a ride. I bet he doesn't want anyone from up here to know where he lives there so... It'll be thumbs away unless he talks one of the fools there into coming to get him. I bet they're all working on excuses as I'm writing this. They are if they're not idiots.



Consider submitting an entry to www.whatacreep.com


     Monday, August 31, 2009     


On the Road Again


Spin & Rich Number 3